MBTI юмор и не только

[yuuyami]

95% of the world: ENFJ is such a polite, quiet person.
4% of the world: ENFJ works really hard, and gets right to the point.
The remaining 1%: OMFG, ENFJ, if you could just stop making bad puns about grilled cheese sandwiches and get out of my face for TWO MINUTES.


Why did the ENFP cross the road?
… to hug the ISFP standing alone on the other side.

Why had the ISFP already crossed the road?
… to get a better view of the sunset.

ISTP: Stop trying to make me self-actualize! It makes me so mad!
ENFJ: I didn’t mean to! I can’t stop myself!
- невыносимо заечно!!

ENFJ/ESTJ love/hate bromance (практика показывает, что смутные отношения этих типов выглядят именно так, отличная иллюстрация)

ESTJ: Let’s play all the sports!
ENFJ: Sure, if it means we can spend time together!
ESTJ: LET’S PLAY MORE SPORTS.
ENFJ: Ummm, I will be over here reading, I think.
ESTJ: Hey, that was a great soccer-baseball game you missed!
ENFJ: Oh yeah?
ESTJ: I met this girl.
ENFJ: Your first girlfriend?
ESTJ: My future wife.
ENFJ: We’re twelve.
ESTJ: I like to commit.
ENFJ: Do you want to play now?
ESTJ: OK. What do you want to play.
ENFJ: A pretend game about pioneers in the wilderness!
ESTJ: Yeah, sure. I’m the boss pioneer. I’ll save you! What are you?
ENFJ: A rabbit.
ESTJ: … Let’s go recruit some more people.
ENFJ: …. Oh.
ESTJ: I want to systematically work through modelled life problems with my future wife. Is that a problem?
ENFJ: Nope. I will be here, reading my book and wiggling my nose.

ENFJ X INTJ Coworkers - aw потому что почти-отпшечка и потому что это милое enfj такое же милое как я

раз
ENFJ: Hi, INTP Boss!
INTP: Oh look! It’s two-eighths of the Production Team!
INTJ: THAT’S AN IMPROPER FRACTION!
ENFJ: …
INTJ: What?!
ENFJ: Wow, I think that’s possibly the dorkiest thing I’ve EVER heard you say.
INTJ: That’s a tough competition to win.
ENFJ: I know, right?
Moment of Contemplative Silence: *happens*
INTJ: HIGH-FIVE!
ENFJ: YEAH!
INTP: *awkward, vaguely bemused smile*

...и два
ENFJ: Hey!
INTJ: Hey.
ENFJ: So how’s it going.
INTJ: Well, I was enjoying this beautiful day, but your presence is making me anxious. And vaguely nauseated.
ENFJ: I have that effect on people. You look really good in that colour.
INTJ: Yes, I know. Thank you!
ENFJ: Do you have a sec?
INTJ: Did you just shamelessly flatter me so you could hit me up for a favour?
ENFJ: Um, yep. Yes.
INTJ: This should be good. Or horrifying. Go ahead.
ENFJ: As per usual, I have inexplicably ended up with 123324 tasks and all the responsibilities, despite being a junior member of our non-profit staff.
INTJ: That is so unexpected.
ENFJ: I know, right?
INTJ: That was sarcasm.
ENFJ: I KNOW, RIGHT.
INTJ: Ask for your favour, peasant, before I decapitate ye.
ENFJ: WILLYOUDOTOURSWITH, LIKE, SEVENTYSCHOOLKIDS. TOMORROW?
INTJ: …
ENFJ: Oh, come on. You looove telling them salacious things.
INTJ: That’s true. I also like to tell them that people died here. In this theatre.
ENFJ: I will take the bulk of the (other 120) children.
INTJ: Tours are exhausting. People are exhausting.
ENFJ: Pleeeeeease. I will bribe you with chocolate and eternal love.
INTJ: Yeah, OK. Fine.
ENFJ: YES! THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
INTJ: Please to be leaving my solitary space now.
ENFJ: BUT I want to shower you with love and devotion.
INTJ: Well, I could tell you about the new software I just bought.
ENFJ: Yeah? Do tell.
INTJ: To catalogue my entire personal collection of CDs. For fun. When I go home tonight.
ENFJ: And you think school children are exhausting? Hahahaha.
INTJ: Bitch, please, I’m awesome.
ENFJ: Yes, you’re right. It’s been statistically proven.

The Rough Guide, ENFJ vs. ESFJ (отлично!)

ESFJ: I will help you! Until it conflicts with my moral code.
ENFJ: My moral code is flexible. I want to help you.

ESFJ: I am excellent at marketing myself as a brand!
ENFJ: My identity has been sacrificed for the sake of this non-profit.

ESFJ: I like buzz words.
ENFJ: I like… words!

ESFJ: I will dress up in a costume. If my costume can be construed as ironic. Or if everyone around me is both A) wasted and B) also in costume.
ENFJ: I will dress up in the dorkiest costume available, even if everyone else is wearing suits and ties, if it will make you smile.

ESFJ: I want to travel to exciting places!
ENFJ: Me too!
ESFJ: Like L.A., and Paris, and New York!
ENFJ: Oh… I meant to the far North, where I’ll live in a cabin in the woods. And I’ll have to take float planes to fly out!












все текстовое - отсюда, картинки - отовсюду сразу :-)

PHILOLZOPHY: MYERS-BRIGGS DATING FIELD GUIDE

линк

INFJ-
Why you want one: They’ll sit-inside-and-read-Dostoevsky-with-you-on-a-rainy-day, they’re good curators of interests and they’ll find something interesting to do and plan the whole date out (to the second).
Spoiler Alert: Icy-cold exterior.
Where to find one: Any independent or used bookstore in a trendy neighborhood on a Friday night. Typically they’ll be there before heading to a small divey but not too divey bar to have a moderately pretentious microbrew with their one other friend.
Pickup technique: Ask them about Rilke, social justice, chai tea.

ENFJ-
Why you want one: They’re warm, friendly, and very concerned about your happiness.
Spoiler Alert: You’ll always be surrounded by a lot of people, not really for homebodies.
Where to find one: At a party they are hosting for their friends in their home. They’re busy making sure everyone is happy, and stressing out about nonexistent riffs between their guests.
Pickup technique: Ask to help, compliment how much fun everyone is having. Tell them some juicy gossip. Try not to feel bad when they have to give attention to all the other plebey party guests.

ESTP-
Why you want one: Know Jeremy Piven in Entourage? Sometimes it just feels good to be around an asshole.
Spoiler Alert: Followed to its logical conclusion, this personality type can also be called ‘sociopathic.’
Where to find one: The clubbiest of clubs, near edge of the dancefloor where they’re looking to shove their tongue down someones throat for awhile and then have some aggressive sex before they leave without saying anything.
Pickup technique: Maybe the easiest to pickup, just try to look good and get in their line of vision. Be aggressive.

ISTP/ISTJ-
Why you want one: Not really sure you do? Maybe you’re an ISTP or ISTJ yourself. Maybe you have really low self esteem and don’t feel like you ‘deserve’ someone interesting.
Spoiler Alert: Boring. Probably cares about things like ‘baking’ and ‘crafting.’
Where to find one: Jesus, I don’t even know, doing something really boring by themselves. Buying tax prep software at Best Buy? On a long solo walk in the woods?
Pickup technique: Is anyone really interested in this?

ESTJ-
Why you want one: Might be a more reliable fuck buddy than an ESTP.
Spoiler Alert: Kind of boring, possibly sexually attracted to day planners.
Where to find one: Out with their friends, policing the fun.
Pickup technique: Make a really boring and unnecessary statement about the progress of the night. Show them your day planner + coding system.

ENFP-
Why you want one: Passionate, unpredictable, absolutely always interesting.
Spoiler Alert: Not loyal to people or ideologies. One day it’s yoga, the next it’s kickboxing. One day it’s Theravada Buddhism, the next it’s Assemblies of God. This applies to their romantic life.
Where to find one: The clubbiest of clubs, in the middle of the dancefloor, possibly on X.
Pickup technique: Wear some bright colors, talk about how you bathed in the Ganges to get salvation, give them drugs, promise to get tantric. Beware of passionate yet very sloppy kisses.

INFP-
Why you want one: They’ll read you poetry and rub your back while you fall asleep, they have the most comfortable beds.
Spoiler Alert: May suffocate you with intensity. May cry during a commercial for McDonald’s.
Where to find one: Getting existential at some dive bar with a small but intense looking group of people who all look remotely like someone who used to babysit you.
Pickup technique: Say you think care ethics is an overlooked school of thought or that you ‘really resonate’ with Joni Mitchell or anything else deep + nice sounding.

ESFP-
Why you want one: They’re warm, easy to like, and fun to be around.
Spoiler Alert: They are only ever motivated by what will get them the most amounts of attention possible. This gets old.
Where to find one: Hanging with their bros at a bar, being as loud as possible, telling hilarious jokes, bein’ a bro.
Pickup technique: Challenge them to a game. Preferably fetch, as there is no distinguishable difference between an ESFP and a labrador retriever.

ISFP-
Why you want one: They’re the perfect person to talk about your work dramz with over a game of tennis. They’re smiley and cute and really good at interior decorating.
Spoiler Alert: They don’t mature past the age of 15.
Where to find one: Hanging with their one bro at a bar, probably not talking but smiling and and genuinely enjoying themselves.
Pickup technique: Talk about animals and/or children. Make a comment about aesthetics in some capacity, except don’t use the word ‘aesthetics’ because they won’t know what it means.

INTP-
Why you want one: They’re really smart and make up for being awkward + not really sexy by having a lot of interesting things to say.
Spoiler Alert: You’ll get tired of them making jokes about ninjas and Lord of the Rings. Probable addiction to World of Warcraft.
Where to find one: At their friend’s house drinking whiskey Cokes and watching Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.
Pickup technique: Wear something slutty + talk about science/robots/the singularity.

ENTP-
Why you want one: They have the best circle of smart and interesting friends, they’re laidback, they give great advice.
Spoiler Alert: They’ll never put another person ahead of their own interests, self-involved.
Where to find one: Out with their friends at a bar they take issue with for one reason or another (cf: hipster), but enjoying themselves as long as everyone knows they’re too smart for whatever beneath-them drinking game is going on.
Pickup technique: Intersperse non-sequitor jokes and puns with douchey statements like ‘Thomas Pynchon is the only funny postmoderist.’

INTJ-
Why you want one: It’s kind of intoxicating to be around someone this smart and serious. It’s really sexy for as long as you can go without getting compliments/any affirmation that they like you back.
Spoiler Alert: Oblivious misers.
Where to find one: Home alone, reading something really interesting, generally not giving a fuck.
Pickup technique: Figure out what they’re interested in and make insightful comments. Don’t expect any affirmation or acknowledgment that they heard you.

ENTJ-
Why you want one: They’ll give you great advice and push you to follow through on it.
Spoiler Alert: Loud talkers, stubborn, make black-and-white decisions.
Where to find one: At a weird event with their friends. Like ‘Julius and Ethel Rosenberg discussion group’ type weird. They’re the one taking notes or serving a pretentious dish.
Pickup techniques: Make aggressive but smart statements. Talk about why you’re right. Use historical examples but also throw in something about Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

ESFJ-
Why you want one: Literally your standard bro or prototypical ‘wife material.’
Spoiler alert: They’re not that interesting. They’re mega-sensitive but not likely to be able to communicate why. And not in the brooding, artsy way, in the self-righteous way.
Where to find one: Hanging with their bros, they’re the one with their cell clipped to their belt and their shirt tucked in.
Pickup techniques: Tell them why their sports team of choice ‘deserved’ to make the playoffs because they really ‘wanted it.’


оффтопом: ааа тексты слипнот! (Don't go) I never wanted anybody more than I wanted you (I know) The only thing I ever really loved, was hate. надрывненько, ритмично, симпатично, заверните

какое сейчас время? время уборки! потому что нечего было спать целый день :-)